


Lady Bedivere

by PartridgeOnAPearTree



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crossdressing, Fluff, Light-Hearted, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, Not as in Camelot the Singularity, Set in Camelot as in during their life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24342469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PartridgeOnAPearTree/pseuds/PartridgeOnAPearTree
Summary: Merlin flirts with everyone. Everyone except Bedivere, that is. And Bedivere doesn’t know why. He thinks it might be the way he looks. If Bedivere pretends to be a usual village girl for a day, maybe Merlin will finally stop excluding him. It’s not like Bedivere will act differently than usual, after all, so why would Merlin exclude him… other than for his appearance? Unfortunately, he enlists help from someone who isn't exactly a magic expert, so the best thing that happens is that he ends up with a different hair color and a fancy dress.
Relationships: Bedivere | Saber/Merlin | Caster
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	Lady Bedivere

**Author's Note:**

> my girlfriend named her character 'bedivere' in animal crossing pocket camp, and then she rolled this hairstyle: https://animalcrossingpocketcamp.gamepedia.com/Dreamy_Pastel_Wig
> 
> so I was like. oooo. what if bedi's hair was like that.
> 
> (I worked hard on this, so I hope you guys enjoy!!! ^_^)

“I don’t even understand why I like him. I feel so foolish, I'm just like one of those innocent village ladies he keeps on playing with.” Bedivere drinks a glass of water. “I just don’t stand a chance with him because I'm a man. That’s what I thought because he's usually in the company of women. And then Sir Lancelot and Sir Gawain suddenly mention that he's been throwing flirty lines at them too. I asked Sir Tristan and even he said the same. It feels like he's flirting with everyone except me. My lady, tell me honestly, am I unattractive?”

The lady who owns the tavern makes an almost offended expression. “Heavens no, Sir Bedivere. Yours is the most beautiful face I have ever seen. I mean this wholeheartedly. If Merlin can’t see that, that means his clairvoyant eyes see nothing, after all.”

“O-Okay, I appreciate your support, but ‘most beautiful’ is a bit…” Bedivere sighs. “So if my appearance is not bad, then maybe it’s just because I'm a mediocre knight…”

“My goodness, he flirts with even the most insipid ladies around these parts. There's nothing wrong with you, Sir Bedivere. Merlin is the fool.”

“It’s not like I want to be one of those people he beds and deserts afterward…” Bedivere sighs again. “But maybe, I’d appreciate a ‘you look good today, Sir Bedivere’ or something similar… Am I asking for too much?”

“Not at all! If anything, that’s the bare minimum. You deserve a grand display honoring your beauty!”

Bedivere’s face flushes in embarrassment. “You're too kind, my lady. I know you're just trying to comfort me. I don’t deserve something as big as that… but anyway, I realize now that I'm in the wrong. I probably sound like an attention-starved child. I'm sorry that you had to see something so unsightly.”

“What? No, Sir Bedivere, I'm your biggest fan. I do truly look up to you and think you're worth this much… and even more, actually! You're too good for Merlin.”

“Now, you can’t possibly mean that. Merlin is the best mage in this land. He can do so many things that I can’t even begin to understand. And most of all, he's the king’s mentor. I even heard that he's the one who taught the king the ways of the sword. Meanwhile, I'm just a simple knight who hasn’t even received blessings from the sun or the fairies…”

“Come on, don’t be so mean to yourself. It invites people to be mean to you too. Here, I baked these cookies. It’s all for you. Please cheer up.”

“Thank you.” Bedivere takes one of the cookies and eats it. “I don’t have anyone else I can tell these things. If any of the knights find out, Merlin will definitely find out. I'm not sure I'm ready for that.”

“It’s my pleasure! No thanks needed, not at all. But when do you plan to let him know? Or do you plan to keep it secret forever?”

“I don’t really know.” He continues eating. “Every day, I get more discouraged. We do talk, but I feel he's so guarded around me compared to the others. He doesn’t joke around much as opposed to how he is when I heard him talking to someone else. Maybe it’s because I'm too serious… I have been told that once or twice before.”

“Oh, please, don’t ever change yourself for some man. Especially not someone as seedy as Merlin.”

“Please don’t talk so ill of him…”

“Anyway, I’ll do anything to help you. I know magic, you know. I come from a family of magicians. Although, I can’t really do a lot of things, and my magical energy is next to garbage. But luckily, I can brew potions! Although, that’s probably because it’s just basic following of instructions, and anyone can do it, but…”

“Why are you saying this? I'm sorry, I know I complain about Merlin a lot, but you don’t have to attack him. I’ll try to be less emotional. It’s really a shame, the king praises me for being calm and collected…”

“No, I'm not going to attack him! As if I’d stand a chance against him. I'm just going to help you disguise yourself. You can pretend to be someone else then try to talk to him! Then we’re going to find out for sure if he's really treating you differently.”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Well, I was going to transform you into a girl, but…”

“You can do that?”

“I mean, I thought I could, but like…” The lady sighs. “I'm so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

“Why would I hate you?”

“Do you feel that your breasts have gotten bigger?”

“…No?”

“Yeah… Sorry.” The lady stared at his chest for a second before looking back to his face. “Just look at your hair.”

Bedivere takes one of his twintails and transfers it in front.

He immediately lets it go.

“W-What did you do!?”

“I'm so sorry, okay? This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

His hair became a weird color. It became a mix of light pink, light purple, and it had small gold stars on them. The only people he knows that has unusual hair color are Merlin and Sir Lancelot, and both of them have good reasons for it: Merlin is not human, Sir Lancelot has been blessed by fairies. If he walks around like this, he will definitely catch attention.

“What was supposed to happen?”

“You were supposed to have pretty red hair! Breasts! A vagina!”

“Please keep your voice down!”

“It’s only us here. But anyway, maybe I messed it up. I mean, I did mess it up, because you look like that now, but… I'm so sorry, Sir Bedivere. I just wanted to help you.”

“How do I hide this…?”

“It’s okay, we can still go according to plan if you want! I’ll fix your hair, lend you a dress, make you look pretty! Please just let me make it up to you.”

The lady looked genuinely sorry. Bedivere feels bad just seeing how sad she is over this. “I didn’t even know such a plan existed… I’d appreciate being consulted next time.”

“I'm so sorry. You're right, that part really wasn’t thought-out. I just felt that there's no way you would agree to it.”

“Please don’t do it again next time.” Bedivere sighs. “I'm not sure about pretending to be a girl…”

“It’d be more difficult to guess that it’s you if you do! Besides, aren’t you curious about how Merlin treats a girl?”

“I just need to mentally prepare myself more... I'm not very good at lying.”

“You don’t have to lie. Except maybe your identity, but everything else, you can still answer how you usually would. If anything, that makes it more interesting. If Merlin treats you differently even when you're acting more or less the same simply because you're ‘not Bedivere’, it’d be something to think of, right?”

“…I suppose.”

“I'm sorry. But anyway,” She transfers behind Bedivere. “Let me begin, all right?”

It was actually relaxing.

It’s been so long since anyone has touched his hair. The last time must be his older brother Lucan teaching him how to braid his hair when he was younger. Ever since Bedivere learned, no one fixed his hair for him ever again. He finds himself closing his eyes and briefly forgetting the stress that he will surely face later.

The lady was gently brushing his hair, then she parts them into two. It feels like she’s trying to put them into two high buns. She does it fast like she has practiced for it, then she transfers back in front of him. She makes a pleased grin as she takes out thin strands of his hair from behind his ears, clapping her hands together afterward.

“You're so pretty! You're really the most beautiful in the entirety of Camelot! I mean it! If you were a woman, King Arthur would have taken you as his queen!”

“No…” He feels his face heating up. “I'm flattered, but I can’t possibly believe that.”

“Merlin is a fool, I tell you! A fool! His clairvoyant eyes see nothing!”

“Please don’t go that far…”

“Anyway, I'm not yet done. Some wheaten flour to even your skin tone…” She started softly dabbing something on his face. “Sweet-smelling grease to keep your lips from chapping… rouge to keep your cheeks and lips pink… Aha, all done! If I were a man, I’d ask your hand for marriage right here and now!”

“My lady, I’ll never understand this high regard in which you put me...”

“I’ve regarded you as my friend ever since that day you saved me from bandits, and I want to shower my friends with love and compliments as much as I can. And, well, I love beautiful people like you a lot! Anyway, my room is over there.” She gestures to a room with her hand. “I put my best dress on the bed. You can try it on.”

Bedivere can’t believe he's actually doing this. Things happened too fast, and he agreed too fast. But she already fixed his hair and put cosmetics on his face.

The dress he finds in her room was really beautiful. He feels bad even touching it. He can’t believe she’s letting him borrow such a pretty dress. It was light blue from the waist up with small pink and purple flowers scattered on the sleeves. From the waist down, it was lavender, and near the end of the dress were embroidered white flowers. Placed next to the dress was a long white lace with purple flowers. Bedivere doesn’t know what it is for.

“If you are ready, do call me!” He hears the lady from outside.

There is a mirror in the room. He looks at it, and he already can’t recognize himself. He doesn’t look human at all. He’s someone he would assume to be a fairy solely because of this strange hair color. What more if he wears that dress?

He wears it with surprising ease. He has never worn a dress before, so he found it surprising. It felt just like a bigger and longer shirt.

“My lady?”

“Yes, Sir Bedivere?”

“What is this long lace for?”

“It’s supposed to go around your waist!”

Bedivere feels stupid for not figuring it out. That should have been obvious. He puts it around his waist and checks himself in the mirror again. He's really like an entirely different person, and he surprised himself with how feminine he could look. He has never realized this before. It’s really shocking.

“Are you done yet?”

“I am. I just… I feel a bit fidgety.”

“Oh, that’s normal! You’ve never worn a dress before, after all. Let me see you!”

This is so embarrassing. He opens the door, and the lady lets out a smile so proud when she sees him. She practically tackles him into a hug. “You're the best girl in this kingdom! Marry me, Lady Bedivere!”

His face feels so hot. “M-My lady, please!”

“It fits you perfectly. I really hate how I can only enchant objects. When people are involved, everything just goes wrong. I enchanted this dress to fit whoever wears it. Here are the shoes I intended to go with them.” The lady places a pair of flat shoes on the ground. “I made sure to pick flat shoes. You're already tall, so you won’t be needing any more boost to your height. Besides, it’d just be difficult to walk if I pick otherwise.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you.” He slips on the shoes and is happy to know that they're comfortable. “I feel very embarrassed. I don’t know if I’d be able to talk to Merlin looking like this.”

“You're beautiful! Just remember that! Merlin should be the one embarrassed to talk to you. Anyway, here.” She hands him a glass of water. “I put something in it to make your voice more feminine. I know my potions don’t seem too trustworthy right now, but I created this one with my mother’s supervision, at least. You should probably be fine!”

“Probably…?”

“The worst that could happen is that you'd lose your voice, and in that case, you can be an even more mysterious lady!”

“Right, I completely forgot to ask… How long will this hair color last? And how long will my voice be different if ever I do drink this?”

“It should completely wear off when the clock strikes midnight. I can’t really pull off long term magic.”

He feels so nervous. Maybe he really should back out already. That’s what he thinks, but he already drinks the glass of water. She takes the glass from him when he finishes and looks at him with anticipation. “Well? Say something.”

Bedivere feels so self-conscious. “Hello…”

He gasps when he hears his voice. She jumps and down happily. “I can’t believe it worked! You sounded just like a girl! I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe it.”

It was such a soft and breathy voice, and if he would be completely honest, it’s something he would describe as cute if only it didn’t come from himself. But since it’s him, it’s just embarrassing.

“All right! You're ready to go out there!”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can do it. This hair color looks too unnatural—”

The lady clutches her chest. “Your voice is killing me!”

“Huh? I'm sorry—”

“No, no, keep talking!”

“…”

“Sorry. I just got carried away. What were you saying?”

“I just look too unnatural, I will definitely stand out when people see me. I think I’d be more comfortable looking like a commoner human being. Like this, I look too much like a fairy, and I can’t play that role around someone like Sir Lancelot and especially not Merlin. In the first place, they probably know about fairies more than me.”

“Well, you don’t have to be a fairy. Say that your friend was messing around with potions, and it went wrong. That’s not even a lie.”

“That’s true…”

“You don’t have to lie.” She places her hands on his arms. “Well, maybe you have to lie about who you are, but as I said, that’s all. You can keep everything else.”

“I suppose… but people will still stare at me like this.”

“Let them stare. You're beautiful.” She lets go of him and grins. “Oh, well! Go find Merlin. I’ll be here in the tavern the whole day, like I always am, whenever you need anything. And don’t forget that you only have until midnight. It’s still noon right now, so you have more than enough time. I wish you luck, Sir Bedivere!”

She practically pushes him out of the room and locks herself inside. He has nothing to do but leave the tavern. He still feels so nervous. He doesn’t know how he’ll endure the confused stares that he will most definitely get. He tells her goodbye, and as he walks to the exit of the tavern, as he finally is greeted by the outside air, his heartbeat just accelerates.

How will he even invite Merlin to spend time together? He's pretty much pretending to be a stranger right now. It’d be suspicious if he just waltzes in the castle looking like a random woman with weird hair. And does Merlin really go out with any lady? It’s not like being a girl now guarantees that he will accept Bedivere’s invitation.

It’d probably be laughably sad if Bedivere gets turned down, and he has to look like this for no reason until midnight.

He then remembers that Merlin sells some potions to the public. Nothing harmful or too serious. If anything, the only potion he sells that Bedivere can remember is a potion that removes hangovers or keeps oneself from being drunk. He's sure that there has to be more, though, since he can recall that Merlin did say people are welcome to ask him to brew something, then he will see if he's feeling up for it.

Maybe he can pretend to be a customer. That sounds like it can work.

He starts to walk away from the tavern, the castle in mind, practicing what to request from Merlin. What is even there to request? He doesn’t really know the extent of Merlin’s abilities. Maybe it’s just because he's generally clueless about magic, but sometimes, he feels that Merlin can do anything.

He ignores the looks that he keeps on getting, focusing on counting the steps his feet are taking. He pretends he doesn’t hear the murmuring, the “Who is that girl?”, “I’ve never seen her before”, “Is she a fairy?”

It’s making him feel self-conscious that he can hear that people are talking about him. He isn’t really the type to stand out because he's completely ordinary especially when next to his fellow Knights of the Round Table, so he isn’t used to such attention.

He's just going to pretend he's not here. That, or he's going to pretend that they're talking about someone else. After all, they're talking about a probably inhuman girl with weird hair and flowery clothes. It’s not like they're talking about Sir Bedivere, the knight from the king’s Round Table.

He repeats that to himself. They don’t know you. They don’t recognize you. It’s okay.

He was trying so hard to focus on distracting himself that he completely failed to notice that he was going to bump into someone.

Immediately, he feels two hands on his shoulders, lightly keeping him away. When he sees who it was, his nervousness immediately peaks.

“My lady, are you all right? You almost bumped into me. It won’t be good, as I am completely covered in hard armor, haha…”

“R-Right, thank you, kind sir, um…”

Why did he have to bump to Sir Lancelot of all people right now? Bumping into someone he knows triggered his heartbeat to do ridiculous things like behaving as if it were in an intense sparring match. This is just Sir Lancelot, so what more if it were Merlin? Can he really pull this off?

“My goodness…” Lancelot’s eyes were wide as he looks at Bedivere. “Forgive me if this is too forward, but you are such a beauty, my lady.”

“Um… Ahaha…” Bedivere can feel his face heating up. He has never expected Sir Lancelot to ever tell him that in his entire life. “I am very flattered, sir…”

“Are you a fairy? Perhaps, you’ve heard of my mother, The Lady of the Lake? Well, she wasn’t who birthed me, but she raised me, so I still refer to her as my mother.”

“N-No, I'm… I'm not a fairy, sir. My hair is… the result of an unfortunate magic experiment. I plan to seek the services of… Lord Merlin.”

“Merlin? Yes, I can accompany you there, my lady. I'm a knight of King Arthur. You can trust me to escort you safely.”

Bedivere has never had to be escorted before. This is certainly new. “Yes… Of course I know you, Sir Lancelot. You're one of King Arthur’s more well-known knights… I don’t really need an escort as I am a resident of Camelot. You might not recognize me because my hair made me unfamiliar, but I'm just one of the… village girls who live here.”

“But I insist. Your hair color, although new, is… frankly very unusual. You're getting all sorts of attention. Your dress looks like that of a noblewoman’s. I'm afraid some bandits will attack you.”

That’s unfortunately true. He only remembers now that he left his sword with the lady in the tavern. Of course, as knights, they were also trained to know unarmed combat, but Lancelot would probably be suspicious if Bedivere says that. After all, he claimed to be a normal village lady.

“I am not a noblewoman…” But it’s true that this dress is too beautiful. He wonders where the lady got it. “But you're right. It’s not like bandits will differentiate. Thank you so much, Sir Lancelot. I know that I am in safe hands with you. But don’t you have other responsibilities to fulfill? I don’t want to intrude.”

“I was just looking for my fellow knight, Sir Bedivere. I wanted to tell him something. But it’s okay, it was nothing urgent. I already finished my tasks for the day, my lady. Thank you for your concern.”

Even if he says that it was nothing urgent, it still made Bedivere feel nervous. Lancelot was looking for him. “Oh, what did you want to tell Sir Bedivere?”

“Have you two met before?”

“Yes, he's… in the tavern a lot. The tavern sells the best steamed vegetables in the kingdom. I happen to like steamed vegetables… too. So I see him a lot.”

“That’s true. I was going to head to the tavern myself since I thought he’d be there.”

“Are you sure you weren’t going to tell him something urgent?”

“Very certain, my lady. In fact, I already forgot what it was I wanted to tell him.”

“As long as you're sure…”

Sir Lancelot makes small talk along the way. Even so, Bedivere was never truly distracted from their decreasing distance from the palace. Every step of the way, he thinks of different ways he can mess up in front of Merlin and be caught being deceitful for something so stupid. Every step of the way, running back to the tavern and waiting out the effects of the potions sound more and more like the better idea.

By the time that he has finalized his decision to back out, he was already right outside the castle.

“Here we are. Come with me, my lady. I’ll guide you to Merlin’s workshop.”

“Thank you. You’ve been far too hospitable, Sir Lancelot.”

He can’t believe they're already here. That walk went by too fast. He’s so nervous that he has to fiddle with his dress to keep himself busy. He's so nervous. What if he and Lancelot enter Merlin’s workshop and his first words to Bedivere are “Oh, Sir Bedivere, Sir Lancelot, fancy to see you here” or something similar. What if Merlin was watching earlier when Bedivere was with the lady? What if, what if, what if—too many embarrassing and uncomfortable situations are popping up in Bedivere’s head.

“Here we are, my lady. I can knock for you unless you prefer to do it on your own.”

“…Yes, please go on ahead, Sir Lancelot.”

He doesn’t trust himself to knock without his fist shaking.

Lancelot knocks. Bedivere feels like his soul is leaving his body when he hears Merlin’s too carefree and singsong “Wait a moment!” coming from the other side of the door.

He shouldn’t be here. At least not looking like this. He should have just declined the lady’s idea. Why did it even sound like something he should do? He isn’t good at lying. He’ll be found out an hour into this thing, and that midnight deadline would sound like an irrelevant joke.

He shouldn’t be here, he should have run—

“Hello.” Merlin greets with his usual charm. He eyes Bedivere with a friendly smile before turning to Lancelot. “What can this humble mage do for this beautiful lady and her escort?”

Beautiful lady… Right off the bat, he has complimented Bedivere’s appearance when he never would, usually. Can a change in hair color, hairstyle, and a few cosmetics really do so much? Was he really so ugly with his previous looks before? When the lady talked about this plan, it sounded good because it was an opportunity to see if Merlin really would act differently, but he never thought what he would actually feel if Merlin did.

Now, he knows that Merlin would treat him differently with such superficial changes, and he feels awful. What now?

Lancelot turns to Bedivere. “Would you prefer I accompany you, or would you like to talk to Merlin yourself?”

“Oh, um,” Bedivere curtsies. That’s what the village ladies do, right? “Thank you for your assistance, Sir Lancelot. I think I would prefer to talk to Lord Merlin by myself.”

Sir Lancelot takes his hand and presses his lips on his skin. Bedivere’s going to burn in embarrassment. “I hope I see you again very soon, my lady.”

Sir Lancelot bows, and he shortly leaves.

As soon as he was gone, Merlin smiles at Bedivere again. “Well, then, come inside. Tell me what's bothering you.”

It’s not the first time that he has been inside Merlin’s workshop, but there always seems to be something different going on in here, so it’s not like Bedivere had to pretend to be curious.

Today, the room smells like a mix of sweet flowers and herbs. He wonders what Merlin is making.

“Please have a seat, my lady.”

Bedivere chooses the only other chair in the room that isn’t facing the thick open book on Merlin’s desk. Merlin sits on the floor in front of him with a grin as he looks up to face Bedivere. “So… what can I do for you?”

“Oh, um…” Bedivere feels so nervous. Merlin is studying his face too closely. What if he suddenly realizes that he's Bedivere? “My hair, as you can notice, has a very unnatural color… It was the result of a magic experiment gone wrong performed by a friend.”

Merlin nods. “Mhm?”

“I was wondering if you could help me return to my original hair color.”

“Well, you're in luck! I know how to reverse a spell like that in an instant—”

“N-No! Please, I’d…” Think. Think of something. “I’d, uh, prefer it to not be immediate. Even if it looks rather strange, I found myself… fond of this color. I’d like to enjoy it maybe a few hours more before I change it back.”

“All right, then I can brew a potion for you. But,” Merlin has a mischievous smirk. “Won’t you prefer to come back when you're sick of this color and I can then change you back on the spot?”

“Well, that’s… I’d really hate to bother you, Lord Merlin.”

“It’s no bother at all, especially for someone as beautiful as yourself.” Merlin tilts his head. “If it’s not obvious enough, it’s my excuse to see you a second time.”

“Oh…”

Wow. Merlin really is flirting with him. And so fast too. He hasn’t even been here for more than five minutes. He really didn’t think this through. What did he think he’d feel when he does this? His confidence is just taking a huge hit here. Instead of feeling happy, he just feels sad.

“Oh? Is it a bad idea?”

“No, it’s not that… It’s just… Do you really find me beautiful, Lord Merlin?”

“Of course. The most beautiful I’ve ever seen, I’d dare say.”

“You can’t possibly mean that. Do you say that to every girl you meet?”

Merlin chuckles. “Only to those who are my type.”

“…Shouldn’t there be only one most beautiful girl?”

“What if I say it to different girls each day because each day I am exposed to a different level of beauty?”

“That’s… fair, I suppose.”

Merlin hums. “Comparisons aside, you really are beautiful on your own, my lady. Can you at least believe that?”

“I find it very hard to believe.”

“Why is that?”

“…We’ve met a lot of times when I didn’t look like this. I don’t usually wear cosmetics, and my hair is usually a normal color. You’ve never once complimented my appearance before. Maybe I’m unattractive without them.”

“You're too harsh on yourself, my lady. Does a man like me really determine your worth? I'm just an awful inhuman who won’t ever fully understand your sentiments, you know?”

“You're right. Maybe it is unfair to myself to declare that I'm unattractive without them. So, then, let me amend my statement: maybe you find me unattractive without them.”

“Not quite, either. What if I find you even more attractive without them that I simply can’t find the right words to say?”

That’s such a nice thing to think about if only it weren’t impossible.

“I admit that I love that fantasy.”

“You're too quick to call it a fantasy, my lady.”

“I'm not trying to force you to call me attractive. I apologize for how I behaved. I was just… wondering…”

“Haha, it’s okay! I didn’t get that impression at all.”

“Do you have time to have a stroll with me, or are you preoccupied?”

He can’t believe he actually invited Merlin out. He would never be able to muster the courage to do that as Bedivere. And the things he said earlier, he would hesitate more if he were still himself. He supposes it was a bit empowering to look like a beautiful fairy in an expensive dress.

Merlin smirks, resting his chin on his thighs. Bedivere can hear his heart in his ears. Why is Merlin touching him?

“Before that… My lady, if you won’t mind, may I ask your name so that I can address you better?”

Suddenly, the confidence that he has had and the empowerment that he said this made him feel were gone with that one question. Suddenly, he’s back to being a stuttering fool.

“E-Eh… Um… I'm… B-Be… Bee…”

“Bee?”

“Bee!” The way he let out the syllable sounded too much like a squeak. “It’s, uh, short for… Beatrix.”

“All right then, Lady Beatrix.” Merlin lifts his chin from his thighs. “Where would we have our stroll?”

\--

Merlin and Bedivere exit the castle, walking closely next to each other. Merlin was making sure Bedivere walks a little bit in front—he's the ‘lady’, after all—as Bedivere desperately thinks of something to talk about. This chance probably won’t come up again anytime soon, and it only will if he's willing to keep up this trickery. And even then, Merlin has a reputation of dating girls then suddenly ceasing contact with them. This could exactly be the same even if Bedivere pays with his integrity.

“…Lord Merlin, I have a question for you.”

“Ask away, my lady.”

“Is it true that you date girls only to desert them afterward?”

Merlin chuckles. “My, you pull no punches, my lady.”

“I apologize, it’s not my intention to offend you.”

“Haha, it’s fine, it’s fine! It won’t be fun otherwise. Don’t be scared to speak up your mind.”

“…All right. Well, then?”

“Maybe it is true. I am, after all, an incubus.”

“I want to hear a direct answer from Lord Merlin if it’s possible.”

There was a long silence after that. Bedivere wonders if Merlin is considering the question or if he opted not to reply. Bedivere is starting to regret his question with each second of delay, and he's desperately trying to distract himself with other things. Like the fine air of Camelot, the rustling of the leaves of the trees, the chirping of the birds…

Yes, it’s not really working.

“I guess it _is_ true. Does that answer upset you, my lady?”

“No. I'm glad to hear the truth from you. Although, I want to understand why you do it.”

“Well, why not? The girls want to date me, and it’s not like I have a preference. If anything, I feel I learn a tiny, tiny bit more about humans the more relationships I get into. It’s a situation where both sides gain, so it’s all right, isn’t it?”

“I see.”

Bedivere has witnessed women that Merlin broke up with. It doesn’t look like they would call themselves better off after breaking up. He recalls one woman who would mail a letter addressed to Merlin every single day for a year straight before she eventually gave up. The worst part is that he didn’t even read any of them.

The rumors that he has heard said—and they're consistent with his personal observations too—is that Merlin would end the relationship by the time it reaches fifty days. There are also instances when the woman would be the one to end the relationship, saying things like ‘Merlin is emotionally unavailable,’ ‘you can’t understand people’s feelings’, ‘I can’t feel that you actually care about me’.

It always makes Bedivere feel anxious when he thinks of it.

And he always finds himself saying, “I don’t even know why I like him.”

“Well, let’s talk about something else, my lady. I don’t want to spoil the day for you as early as now.”

“Is there anything you want to talk about, Lord Merlin?”

“Well, you asked me a question, so I’ll ask something back.” Bedivere hears Merlin pausing from walking, so he stops as well and turns around to face him. Merlin stares at him with a gentle smile on his face. Bedivere feels so self-conscious. Each time Merlin stares just slightly longer than necessary, he feels that Merlin would suddenly reveal that he knows it’s him. “Why did you ask me out today, my lady?”

“Oh, I just… I just want to get to know you better.”

Merlin chuckles. “Is that all?”

“…What else would it be?”

“Well,” They proceed with walking with Bedivere slightly in front again. Even if he doesn’t look back to see Merlin’s face, he can hear the smugness in his voice. “Usually, it’s a prelude to asking me to date. You don’t have such plans?”

“I-I don’t.” The question makes his face heat up. He really doesn’t. He can’t imagine keeping this up spotlessly the entire day, much less fifty days. “Did it seem that way?”

Merlin chuckles. “Maybe it’s just wishful thinking. It’s nice to imagine that you would be interested in me like that.”

It’s just flirting. That shouldn’t make Bedivere feel giddy. He hates that Merlin is so charming he can make even blatant lies like this sound like music.

“Please don’t say things that you don’t mean.”

“Why else would you want to spend the day with me, then? Is it really just to get to know me better?”

“Do I really have to have an ulterior motive?”

Merlin hums, thinking. “I guess not. Simple and honest people like you are refreshing.”

“I guess it’s my turn to ask something now.”

“Haha, I had no idea that we were taking turns!”

“Oh, sorry, I just thought… I just thought that this was a good way to know more about each other.”

“It’s fine, don’t apologize. I guess it does sound fun. Although I'm just curious as to where we are going. You haven’t answered earlier.” Merlin smirks. “Unless it’s a surprise?”

“You're right. I wanted to surprise you. But I guess that’s quite ambitious of me. With your clairvoyance, you probably are already aware of all the beautiful places in Camelot.”

“Aww, don’t be disheartened, my lady. It may be true that I already know about such places, but I still have no way of knowing where you intend to go.”

“I suppose…”

“Besides, I'm really flattered that you seem to have put a lot of thought into this.” Merlin’s voice is full of mischief. “You must have been looking so forward to this.”

“N-No! It’s not that I—”

“Oh? So you weren’t looking forward to this?”

“It’s not that, too!” Bedivere lets out a sigh. Merlin looks amused and is enjoying his stress. “…You're just teasing me, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“…Does teasing others amuse you so much?”

“Is that your question for this turn?”

“Why not?”

“Well, I think your question sounds way harsher than it should be. I'm not doing it for some sick entertainment. I just like seeing you go all shy. I find it cute, you know. It’s not something that I can see every day, after all.”

“Me, specifically? You do tease the other girls you spend time with, right?”

“Well, that depends on what emotion I want to feast on for the day.”

Not like Bedivere ever forgets, but whenever Merlin says something like that, he's reminded each time that Merlin is, in fact, not human. And then he will wonder again exactly why he likes Merlin considering that they probably will never fully understand each other due to the difference in their natures.

“And what emotion do you want to feast on today?”

“I'm not thinking of that right now. All I want currently is to see your blushing face.”

Bedivere really should know better than to feel giddy and be charmed by Merlin’s sweet words, but he still can’t help but blush at that.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Why not?”

Bedivere doesn’t reply. He just keeps walking with Merlin following him. Merlin has probably guessed by now where they're going considering that they just took a turn that leads to nowhere but a field of flowers. He must be keeping quiet to be polite.

It was a field of flowers that Bedivere once stumbled upon after he finished with his patrol for the day. Merlin never misses an opportunity to let everyone know that he loves flowers, so when Bedivere saw the field, his first thought was that he wanted to take Merlin here. It doesn’t even have to be in a romantic context—he saw a place full of pretty flowers, he knows someone vocal about loving flowers, and that’s it.

But he supposes that he can’t really remove the fact that he likes Merlin.

“Do you like strolls, my lady?”

“Yes. It comforts me, and it clears my mind. Even more so when it’s in a place with a lot of plants like this one. The greeneries relax my eyes.”

“I don’t really like walking for too long. My stamina isn’t the best, after all. But if someone beautiful accompanies me, it makes every second worth it, like right now.”

“We can always rest if you're tired.”

“Haha, I was just saying that it’s worth it if it’s with you. Besides, it’s not something we can often do, is it? Will you invite me to walk with you again in the near future?”

Bedivere really wants to, but the only reason they're even doing this is that he's disguised as a beautiful lady. He doubts Merlin would be interested in taking strolls with him if he asks as Bedivere. Not only that, he's not really sure if he's willing to do this again. It doesn’t feel too good to experience this behavior—the flirting, the compliments, the interest—from Merlin solely because he doesn’t look like himself.

“I'm not sure.”

Merlin doesn’t reply. The rustling of tree leaves is all Bedivere could hear. They're getting nearer the field of flowers now. Merlin still hasn’t made a comment about it. Will he pretend to be surprised only because it was the idea of ‘a beautiful lady’?

It takes a while before Merlin speaks again. “Mmm, I thought so. So we should take advantage of this, shouldn’t we? You're not even interested in dating me, so I assume this is a one-time thing. You said that this is so you'll get to know me better, but is a day really enough for that?”

“…This is okay. Just a day is enough to see a glimpse of what I usually wouldn’t.”

They reach the field of flowers. Bedivere thinks flowers are beautiful, but he's not really as into them as Merlin is. But even he, a casual appreciator, finds this field a sight to behold. A lot of the flowers are pink which is the same color Merlin uses for the illusory flowers that bloom by his feet. Bedivere guessed that he must like pink flowers so much considering that even his spells manifest in such a way.

If Merlin really knew about the field before, he didn’t let it show on his face. Instead, he looked around in quiet admiration. Merlin belongs in a beautiful field like this, Bedivere thinks. The way the flowers by his feet didn’t look out of place, the way his long white hair gently went with the movements of the wind, the way the sun kissed him as he turned to face Bedivere.

“What exactly are you trying to get a glimpse of today?”

Merlin looked so beautiful. He belonged right here in this beautiful place.

Bedivere couldn’t find his words.

Merlin’s beauty is otherworldly. It’s too much for a normal human like himself.

Merlin smiles and chuckles. “I'm really flattered that you're looking at me so intently, but I did ask you a question, you know.”

“I'm sorry, you must find me so rude.” Bedivere can feel his cheeks burning as he forces himself to stare at anywhere else but Merlin. “I was just thinking about how beautiful this field is.”

Merlin had a mischievous smirk on his face. “But you were looking at me.”

“That… That, I was, but…”

“Am I not your type?”

“Why are we talking about this?”

“Why not? I thought we were taking turns asking each other questions.”

“Shouldn’t it be my turn? You asked if I liked strolls.”

“Each of our questions comes with a couple of follow-ups anyway. If we’re going to be so strict, we should start counting.”

“Follow-ups are fine… but the last two questions you just asked aren’t about my liking strolls.”

Merlin chuckles. “You're such a stickler for rules. All right, then. Why don’t you ask me something?”

Bedivere really shouldn’t have stared at Merlin. It feels like his brain stopped working properly when he did. Merlin’s looks were too distracting. He insisted that it’s his turn, but what else does he want to ask?

“Do you find this field pretty?”

“I do.”

“Did you already know about it before?”

“I did.”

“Ah. Was it underwhelming then?”

“Mmm? Of course not. We haven’t been here together before, so it’s still a new experience.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Of course I do.”

“I see…” Bedivere can feel himself smiling. “I'm glad.”

Merlin returns his smile. It felt like a genuine smile. Gone is any trace of mischief in his eyes. “You finally smiled. You looked so tense the entire time. I was starting to think that you regret spending time with me.”

“I'm sorry that I made you feel that. I really did want to spend time with you today.”

“Well, is it okay for me to ask now? May I ask what you wanted to see a glimpse of today?”

Bedivere doesn’t even know how to answer that. ‘I wanted to see how you’d behave towards me if I wasn’t myself’. It’s not like he can tell Merlin that.

“…I wanted to know your honest opinion on one of King Arthur’s knights.”

Merlin raises his eyebrows. “That’s what you wanted to see?”

“It’s something I wouldn’t usually get to ask you.”

“Ask me, then.”

He suddenly feels nervous and afraid. What is he thinking? He doesn’t know either. Maybe he's not even thinking anymore.

“What do you think of…” His heart won’t stop hitting beating so fast. He could hear it in his ears, and he feels it quickens further when he notices. “What do you think of Sir Bedivere?”

Merlin raises his eyebrows in surprise which was soon overwritten by a fond smile. “May I ask what this is about?”

“I'm the one asking questions…”

“Am I not allowed to wonder why you would be asking this?”

“I suppose it’s okay. I'm just… curious, I suppose. Sir Bedivere is…” He keeps himself from letting out a sigh. “Sir Bedivere is just truly lackluster, isn’t he? Especially when compared to the other knights.”

Merlin’s smile drops, and he knits his eyebrows. “Well, I didn’t expect to hear that.”

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Sir Bedivere does his best at all times, no matter what the task is. Even during times when everyone is supposed to have fun, he takes logistics seriously so that everything goes smoothly. I think it’s really rude for anyone to talk that way about him.”

“…You really believe that?” Bedivere feels bad now. It’s like he fished for compliments by talking badly about himself. It wasn’t his intention, and he knows that it came out without him even thinking properly.

“Of course. I have complete and utter respect for him.”

“He's hardworking, that’s true...” He slowly says. “But that’s because hard work is all he has. He has nothing on everyone’s natural blessings. If he doesn’t work hard, he will lag behind even more so than he already does.”

“Lag behind? The knights aren’t on a race. Everyone is fulfilling a different role, and Sir Bedivere is no exception. Sir Bedivere doesn’t have to catch up with anyone because no one is ahead of him, and he doesn’t have to hurry up because no one is threatening to catch up with him. They are all on different races, and their only competition is themselves.”

“…Whatever his role is, it can’t be something that the others can’t fulfill. The other knights are so capable, I'm sure they can fulfill their own roles along with Sir Bedivere’s and then some.”

“Not really. Everyone in the Round Table contributes something that the others don’t.”

“Sir Bedivere is not deserving of his seat in the Round Table.”

Merlin doesn’t reply. Bedivere immediately realizes the weight of a declaration like that. He wonders if he should apologize. To Merlin, he's just some random outsider who suddenly talked like ‘she’ is an expert in Round Table affairs. He's already coming up with a thousand ways to apologize, but before he can even let out one, Merlin speaks.

“Why do you think that?”

He really should just take back what he said. Merlin already looks upset enough. Even if that’s what he believes, he says anyway, “He's just a completely ordinary knight. I suppose he can be one of King Arthur’s knights, but the Round Table is too much. He doesn’t have the fairies’ blessings like Sir Lancelot, he doesn’t have the sun’s blessings like Sir Gawain, he isn’t as resilient as Sir Mordred, he doesn’t wield a weapon as grand as the Failnaught like Sir Tristan—thinking about it, speaking of weapons—”

Bedivere stops talking. He blabbed too much. He told himself that he should take back what he said, but he ended up talking too much. “I'm sorry.”

“You shouldn’t apologize to me. You should apologize to Sir Bedivere.”

“I understand that it was rude of me, but did I say anything wrong?”

“Yes. Sir Bedivere’s loyalty, dedication, and mental fortitude are not ordinary. I dare say that he's the king’s most loyal knight.”

“That’s… That’s praise far too grand.”

“But he deserves it.” Merlin pauses as if deliberating what to say next. “…And I dare say, that if in the future, for whatever reason, duty demands a knight to walk a path of solitude for more than a thousand years, only Sir Bedivere will be able to accomplish it. There are a lot of ways to physically survive that trip, but mentally, only he has the mind that can take so much.”

“…What are you even saying, Lord Merlin?”

“You're right. What am I saying?” Merlin chuckles. “But either way, you shouldn’t take Sir Bedivere lightly. You may think that he may not be as strong or as blessed as the other knights, but there is none of them whose heart is as big as his, and there is none of them who is as beautiful as he is.”

Beautiful?

He can feel his face burning. Merlin has never called him, Bedivere, beautiful in his entire life. Not even a single compliment regarding his appearance, ever. That’s why this whole pretense started in the first place. Maybe Merlin meant something else? Maybe he meant ‘beautiful’ in a less literal sense? Indeed, what _is_ Merlin saying?

Merlin chuckles. “Sir Bedivere is also the simplest and most honest man in the Round Table. He's not good at pretending to be something he's not.”

Bedivere’s face goes even hotter. He thought he already reached the limit. He meets Merlin’s eyes, and Merlin had a knowing smile. He feels so ashamed. Is Merlin saying he knows that it’s him? What if Bedivere is misunderstanding? He doesn’t want to accidentally out himself solely because he misread the situation.

“I-Is that so…”

Merlin’s chuckles turn to laughter as he steps towards Bedivere until he's standing in front of the latter. He places a hand on Bedivere’s cheek, and Bedivere very slightly jolts.

“I see you.”

“O-Oh…” Merlin’s hand was so soft against his skin. Why is he doing this? “Can you… Can you speak more clearly? I don’t want to misunderstand.”

Merlin chuckles as he places the other hand on Bedivere’s other cheek. “What I'm saying is I know it’s you, Bedivere.”

“Oh…” He feels so ashamed. His face feels so hot, his heart won’t stop beating so wildly, and his hands won’t stop trembling. He can’t believe that he allowed himself to wear this dress and consent to this weird hair magic when it was painfully obvious to Merlin that it was him. Merlin must have found him so laughable.

“Why do you look so dejected? Look at me.”

“I don’t want to… I'm ashamed.”

“Why? You look wonderful, you know.”

“…Have you known from the start?”

“Which answer will make you feel better?”

“The truth, please.”

Merlin chuckles. “Yes, I have.”

That just intensifies Bedivere’s shame. “Is it too obvious? Do you think Sir Lancelot was just humoring me too?”

“No, it’s not obvious. I don’t think Sir Lancelot suspected a thing. I only know because…” Merlin chuckles again. “Well, let’s just keep that as a gentleman’s secret.”

“I want to know…”

Merlin must find him so foolish. He just wants the ground to open up and swallow him alive.

“All right, if you insist.” Merlin’s thumb caresses his cheek. “I heard you spend quite a lot of time with a lady from the tavern, so I was curious about the nature of your relationship. I guess you can say that I peeked a bit.”

He saw the whole thing, then. Bedivere’s nervousness, the embarrassingly painstaking preparation… The more he hears, the more he wants to disappear.

“Why be interested in my relationships?”

“Mmm, do you have any guesses?”

“No…”

“You're really such an honest person devoid of secrets, aren’t you? I like that about you.” Merlin smiles. “I like a lot of things about you, actually. Your will, your mind, your humanity…”

“O-Oh…”

“And you yourself, of course.”

He meets Merlin’s eyes then immediately returns his gaze to the ground. “Right… You respect me as a knight. Is that it?”

“Oh, Bedivere.” Merlin chuckles. “I'm trying to say that I like you.”

“Oh… Like… You mean…?”

Merlin nods, squeezing his cheeks lightly. “Yes.”

“Oh…” Bedivere feels so stupid. He has so many things he wants to say, but nothing is coming out. “I... I'm surprised.”

“The nice kind, or…?”

“T-The nice kind, yes. I'm just…” Bedivere forces himself to meet Merlin’s eyes. Merlin believes him to be such a determined person. He should be able to do this much. “This feels too realistic. If this is a dream, I’d really be sad.”

“It’s not a dream. But if you're trying to say that you have dreamt of me before, then I'm really flattered.”

“T-That’s not what I was…” Bedivere sighs. “I just can’t believe it. You’ve never expressed interest in me before.”

“Ah, haha, I'm to blame for that, of course. Let’s just say that you intimidate me a tiny, tiny bit.”

“What? Me? Intimidate _you_?”

“With how dedicated you are to the king, with how no-nonsense you are for whatever you do, I wasn’t exactly in the position to think that you'd be interested in me, either.” Merlin hums. “Not that I'm saying you're interested in me. After all, even now, you haven’t confirmed anything. I like you, Bedivere. But what do you feel about me?”

Merlin is so brave. He already started it. It should be easier for Bedivere to just echo the same thing and plaster a ‘too’ after it. But even so, the words feel so difficult to say. If only he is half as impressive as Merlin believes he is, he would be able to do this easier.

“…I-I like you too, Merlin.”

Merlin grins so widely, and a hint of pink was on his cheeks. Bedivere wasn’t able to savor the sight as it was immediately gone with Merlin embracing him so tightly. “I still have a lot to learn about human emotions, but I think this is what humans identify as happiness. This warmth in my chest… the butterflies in my stomach… You’ve truly made me happy today, Bedivere.”

Bedivere returns the embrace. His face still feels so hot, but he's also so happy. He never dreamed of confessing to Merlin, much less Merlin confessing to him. He thought that he just had to deal with being frustrated all the time and keeping his feelings secret. He can understand too well the sensations that Merlin is describing. And even if he's still mostly in shock and disbelief that Merlin would ever look his way, he also can’t keep a small peaceful smile from gracing his face.

“I really didn’t expect this. You date so many pretty girls, and you seem to hand out compliments so easily to everyone… except me. I started to think that maybe you disliked me.”

“Haha, I do apologize. I understand why you'd get that idea. But it’s what I said earlier.” Merlin tightens his embrace. He's so warm. “I just can’t find the right words to say. It didn’t feel right to tell you what I just tell everyone. After all, you're quite special to me. But, haha, the next thing I know, I’ve never really managed to come up with anything good. I ended up saying nothing at all.”

“Why did you keep dating others?”

“Well, as I said, I didn’t think that you'd ever be interested in me. I almost thought that you were interested in no one but the king, you know. I also did mention that I feel I learn more the more relationships I enter, so I was hoping that soon, I’ll learn enough to know what to say to you.”

“I had no idea that you thought of me this much. I'm flattered.” Bedivere tightens his embrace as well. Merlin is doing his best to be so affectionate even if he probably doesn’t fully understand his emotions either as a half-human. Bedivere should try harder too and swallow his embarrassment. “But why was it easier for you to compliment me when I looked like this?”

Merlin chuckles. “You didn’t look like yourself, so I could pretend that I was talking to someone else while getting comforted that you can hear me at the same time. I'm sorry for making you feel excluded. I can make it up to you now if you want me to.”

“You don’t have anything to make up to me.”

Merlin pulls away, but he keeps his hands rested on Bedivere’s cheeks. He had a relaxed smile on his face. “May I change you back to how you usually look like?”

“O-Oh. Right. Although I am wearing a dress, but…”

“Is that a bad thing? It looks good on you, you know.”

Bedivere closes his eyes as pink flowers cover him. He wonders if it’s an illusion that he can smell how sweet they were. They disappear almost as soon as they appeared. Bedivere hopes this happy situation won’t be like that too.

He lets his hair loose. He can’t braid it right now to his usual hairstyle without taking long, but it’s comforting to see his original hair color again. “Thank you, Merlin.”

His voice has returned to normal as well. Merlin really is an extraordinary mage to undo in one snap what the lady concocted potions for.

“There. I like this better.” Merlin smiles as he inches his face closer to Bedivere’s. “Like this, it’d feel better to compliment your beauty.”

“You really don’t have to do that. I don’t want to seem like I'm demanding attention…”

“I know it’s not that. I just want to.” Merlin chuckles. “I really do feel bad that I didn’t say these things before. I did want to let you know how beautiful I think you are, after all. Let’s see… First of all, I really like your eyes. They're always full of honest emotion. Every time I see them, I remember how genuine you are. They're like windows to a sincere and open person like you.”

“Merlin…”

Merlin chuckles again. “I really wanted to say more, but I got distracted when I looked at your lips. Only if you want, may I kiss you?”

“O-Oh… Kiss…” Bedivere has never kissed anyone before. He's afraid of making fun of himself in front of Merlin who’s more experienced, but he's tired of being afraid. “Yes. I want to kiss you, Merlin.”

Merlin smiles. “Then let me grant that.”

Merlin’s lips were so soft and gentle. Once again, Bedivere could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Merlin’s thumbs were still caressing his cheeks as their lips continued to move against each other. Even if Bedivere has never kissed anyone before, following Merlin’s lead felt so easy. Kissing Merlin felt so right. And he can’t believe that he’d ever be so confident as to say this, but he really thinks, right now, that he and Merlin fit with each other so perfectly.

When they end the kiss, they simply rest their foreheads against each other. Merlin was smiling with his eyes closed. Bedivere should probably close his eyes too, but he just wants to see Merlin. Merlin looked so peaceful like this. With this smile, he just… seemed much more human.

“Now, then.” Merlin whispers. Even his voice had a hint of his smile. “Whose turn is it to ask a question?”

\--

“You mean to tell me he never was even fooled by my potion? For a second?” The lady in the tavern had a deeply offended look on her face.

“Well, no…” Bedivere wills himself to think of something to calm her down as he finishes his glass of water. “But to be fair, he saw me taking the potion, so maybe we could have fooled him if he didn’t.”

“It all ended better than expected, huh? Well, no matter.” She grins. “That glass you just drank—it should work this time! I tested it on my brother!”

“W-W-Wait, what!?”


End file.
